Last Laugh
by SovietChick
Summary: The Joker and the Batman meet in a ruined building in the midst of Gotham, but the Joker has a trick up his sleeve... Very Minor Language and some action.


The moon wasn't playing the role it was cast to perform. It wasn't a sharp crescent slashing from a star spattered sky, hanging like a crooked scythe. It wasn't a perfectly round orb illuminating the twisted city below, lighting the night as bright as day. It wasn't even a new moon. It was just a little past halfway lit, hesitantly lighting the city of Gotham through a thin screen of clouds and smog. The light didn't do much for the metropolis; the moon was just a small speck among all of the neon lights and manmade creations.

But the Joker was grateful for the moon's wavering light. It was all he had; the old, decrepit warehouse where he stood lost its lights either to the elements or destructive youths long ago, leaving the interior to the mercy of outside light. In the darkness, he heard grunts and screams and thumps as one by one, his worthless henchmen were taken down. One fired a semiautomatic in his hysteria, shattering a window high above the Joker's head.

_'Oh well,'_ he thought, ducking to avoid the deadly shards as they hurtled to the ground_. 'Not like this dump will miss it. It has as many windows as a thug has teeth.'_ He grinned at the thought, and, before he could stop himself, a wild laugh escaped. That bit gave him away. A split second later, a fist came hurtling from the darkness, smashing into his thin nose.

The Joker was hurled backward. He managed to catch before he hit the ground, swaying with the effort to stand. One after another the blows came from the darkness; some hit, but most whooshed past him as he ducked and weaved and dodged the Batman's attacks. The caped crusader may be strong, but the Joker had speed on his side.

"Batsy, you came for me! I knew you cared~!" the clown snickered. Moonlight streaming from one of the small widows caught the Batman's face; not even a smile.

Oh well.

"You haven't finished your treatment at Arkham, Joker."

A particularly sharp blow caught the Joker right in the stomach, and this time, he wasn't able to keep his balance. He hit the ground, hard, with barely even a gasp of pain. The fall knocked the air out of his lungs, but the Batman gave him no time to recover as he lifted the villain by the front of his trademark violet suit.

"But those people don't love me like you do." The Joker wheezed, managing a small grin at his greatest enemy. "They just don't laugh at my jokes…" He paused to lick his lips; more of an impulse than conscious action. "By the way, Batsy. Wanna hear a new one? I thought of it just for you~!" No pleasing reaction from the Batman, just the sight of his masked, serious face as he turned on his heel.

"All I want to hear are your progress reports from the doctors." he said coldly, beginning to head for the exit, Joker in hand. The clown pouted at that.

"Aw, but this is a good one! It goes like this: what's a laugh?" He waited for a few moments, only greeted by silence. "It's a smile…" A metal canister was thrown in the air above the Batman's head as Joker easily slipped out of his jacket and from the hero's grasp. "That explodes!"

The canister instantly burst into a cloud of toxic white gas, quickly spreading through the warehouse.

"Its my extra strength Joker Gas! Like it? It's my grandmama Joker's special recipe!"

The clown slipped away in the cloud, knowing it wouldn't take the Batman long to find a way out. Finally with a moment of semi-peace, he idly wondered why the extra-strength laughing gas never seemed to work on him… Did he design it that way? He couldn't quite recall… His memory was always so slippery. So he just shrugged, brushing the thought away. Perhaps he was already having too much fun for it to work? The thought was pleasing. He began to laugh, head thrown back, shoulders shaking in mirth as the warehouse was filled with his crazed giggles.

As if in retaliation to his laughter, he felt a rush of air past his head; probably a fist or Batarang of some sort.

"Aw… Using that fancy mask of yours is cheating!" he whined, chuckles fading as he dodged away from another blow aimed for his skull. "Whaddya say you take it off to even the odds?"

"Not a chance."

A blow to the face, and the Joker was left stumbling back, trying to keep himself from another fall. He felt a gust of cool air as the crimefighter cleared the smoke with a few practiced sweeps of his cape. The Joker could clear see the Batman now; a dark, towering figure in the shadows, coldly staring him down through the remaining wisps of Joker Gas. His enemy merely stood there, watching as the clown panted, spitting out a mouthful of blood.

"Why do you always have to hit the face? That's my moneymaker!" he wheezed. He took a moment to reorient himself; realizing he was standing in a small patch of moonlight. A glance to the ceiling revealed that there was a gaping hole in the roof (caused by the Batman's entrance, perhaps?), allowing the wavering moonlight to stream through and illuminate him perfectly in the darkness of the forgotten warehouse.

It wasn't the spotlight on a Gotham stage in the midst of the theater district, but it would have to do.

"Its over, Joker. Turn yourself in." the Batman demanded, glaring from the shadows. Joker nearly rolled his eyes at that; really, how predictable was Batsy? It was always the same…

"Come now, Bats. You know me well enough to know that I'll never stay cooped up in Arkham. Where's the fun in that? Who says I'll go back with you?" Although he was talking a big game, both knew the same thing: The Joker was at a dead end. There were no weapons left, no resources. His henchmen were out cold, his Joker Gas gone, his hostages dead or freed...

In other words, he had the Batman right where he wanted him.

"Joker, you don't have to be like this. There are people who can help you." The Batman's voice was smooth, steady, and as he took a step toward him, just outside of the makeshift spotlight, his pale blue eyes shone in the silvery moonlight. He seemed honest, but calm; as if it would be for the best if Joker caved in, but he'd be perfectly content to drag him out kicking and screaming if the need should arise.

Another predictable offer. Really, was Batsy even trying at this point?

"Help?" the clown scoffed, straightening up the best he could against the pain. "You know as well as I do that those people don't try to help at all. They just look down on us, Batsy, try to tear us to shreds. They won't stop until we're broken down, weak, and then they'll just swallow up another victim after crushing us into dust. You don't belong with them. Not at all, not at all… Here, I'll make you an offer, then," Grinning, he extended his hand to the Batman, as if he were a suitor asking for one last dance. "Join me. We could have the most delicious fun, Batsy~ You know we could."

"No."

The answer was instantaneous.

"I'll never join you, Joker. You need to be stopped." Rather than be angry at the cocky proposal, the Batman seemed oddly resigned; his expressionless, emotionless face reminded the criminal more of a hunk of machinery than a human being.

Which was quite disappointing, really.

"You're no fun…" the Joker sighed, shaking his head. "Well, you're the one missing out. But before you drag me away or I manage to escape or whatever usually happens here, I have just one teensy little question…" He paused for a moment, letting the suspense gather. "How's an old house like a dead body?" The Batman hesitated, but glared at his enemy in that tired way of his. Almost as if he hated the clown for dragging this on and on, but had ago long expected him to do so.

"Stop playing games." He growled, preparing to stride forward and grab the villain.

Just as expected.

The Joker laughed at the command, whipping a small silver object from his pocket and pressing it to his own temple with manic glee.

"Wrong answer!" he nearly shrieked in delight, grinning with teeth tinged red from his own blood. "The answer was: 'They're both morgue-aged'. Get it!" He felt a rush of exhilaration at the look on the Batman's face; he seemed confused, a bit frustrated, and more than a little cautious. It was always such fun to get a sort of reaction from the man~ He craved it. He craved the attention of not only people, but the only man he considered even close to being equal to him. Too bad the Batman was usually so emotionless… But really, what better way to get an emotional response than point a revolver at your head?

"Put down the gun." The order was simple, strong, but the clown could clearly see the doubt in his enemy's eyes. Ah, so Batman knew there was no way he could just pull the trigger on himself…

Or thought he knew.

"Come on, what's that look for? Don't think I'll do it?" he asked, a challenging tone to his voice. "Aw, but you've never doubted me before, Bats!"

Batman began to take a step forward, but the Joker took a counterstep back, careful to remain within his little spotlight.

"Ah ah ah~! Only actors are allowed on the stage, you know!" He wagged a finger at the man as if scolding a child. The Batman's lips tightened with imperceptible anger, but he stayed in his place within the shadows.

"Stop it." He growled, finally beginning to feel frustrated by the lunatic's actions. "I've had enough of your games." Joker laughed at the claim, shaking his head.

"Games? Nah nah, all that was kid stuff! This is real, Bats. You see, I've grown tired of the supervillian gig…" His voice, which usually held at least the ghost of a chuckle, took on a bored, drawling tone. "Its just the same thing, day in and day out: I try to have a bit of fun, and you come along and ruin in. You try to take me to jail or to 'treatment', I escape and cause more trouble, blah blah blah blah blah…" He rolled his eyes. "I've been getting really bored of it. So one day, I decided to think of an alternative, a way to liven things up a little! And you know what my devilish little mind cooked up?"

Although the Batman's eyes blazed, he never dignified that question with an answer.

Joker, unfazed by this, forged on.

"I decided to see what kind of trouble I could stir up in hell. After all, it can't be much different from Gotham, right?" He paused for a moment to laugh at his little jibe. "Also, there's a bonus to that; when I die, you die! We're one in the same, you and me."

"I'm nothing like you."

That interjection, although quiet, was filled with the most emotion the Batman had shown that night. The Joker grinned, drinking the man's anger as one would fine wine.

"What? Come on, we're practically the same person! You wear a suit, I wear a suit. You like long walks on the beach and poetry, I like long walks on the beach and poetry. You want to save Gotham, I want to save Gotham…"

"All you want to do is destroy this city."

The Joker chuckled lightly at the answer, shaking his head.

"No, no, I don't want to destroy it! It'd be like destroying you; fun as hell, but pointless. What in the world would I do afterward? You see, Bats, you gotta look to the future, think like a businessman. Long term investments, and all that." He tapped his temple with the barrel of the gun. "All I'm doing is _helping_ Gotham. Its going to tear itself apart anyway. All I'm doing is speeding up the process a bit, nothing more, nothing less. Saving the people from waiting a tediously long time and all that."

For just a moment, he paused, humming a song to himself as the Batman absorbed this information.

"But I digest. Or digress. Maybe both." He let out a burst of laughter. "But anyway, I was thinking: since we're the same, and I can't live without the Batman, then the Batman can't live without me! And we come full circle!" The Joker swept his free arm out in a grand gesture, grinning madly as he did. "Without me, you'll just die out, and Gotham will return to its usual chaos."

The Batman stayed stock still throughout his entire speech, eyes narrowed. Strange, he still looked doubtful… The Joker pouted at that, arm slowly falling to hang by his side.

"You won't kill yourself, Joker. Stop all the theatrics." The bat growled. "Just give it up already. There's no way out."

The clown prince of crime shook his head.

"Oh contraire, there is a way for me to get out of this." He answered simply, finger tightening on the trigger. "Now, Bats, pay attention! This is a valuable lesson, you know… Watch carefully, because I'm going to teach you that not every life can be saved by a goody little two shoes like yourself!"

For the last time, Joker smiled, his crimson, scarred mouth stretching impossibly wide. "So adios, sayonara, ciao, adieu, c'est la vie, goodbye! Find me in hell, I'll be the chump sitting between Hitler and Al Capone!" he grandly announced, beginnings of laughter and triumph gathering in his voice.

Pitch black eyes dancing with insanity met those of blue.

"The Joker has left the building!"

Laughing maniacally, he pulled the trigger just as the Batman leapt forward with predatory speed; the crimefighter intent on saving the murderer's life….

In the skies above Gotham, heavy clouds rolled in, shielding the hesitant moon from the chaos below.


End file.
